Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
