My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize