she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
