I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
