You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
