The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
