I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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