we made out on top of his cat.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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