Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Someone came in the potted fern
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
