Need sex. Gaining weight.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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