never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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