I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
