I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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