i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize