Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
