i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
