in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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