there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
