It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
