I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
