all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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