Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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