why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
