don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
