Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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