he thought i was a dude.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
