my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
