my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
