I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
they're like a gay fantastic four
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
