Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
