You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
