Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
