you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
