Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
