Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
