you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
