come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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