How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
