i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
