i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did i just pee glitter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
