wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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