It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
