He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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