i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
