All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
