my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
