He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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