and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
