just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
this is an emotional support booty call
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
