If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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