Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
