All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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