You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
