PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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