Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
