I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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