Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize