Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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