I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
