I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
