so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
