Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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