i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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