i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
