I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
