i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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