There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
