My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
