i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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