like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want her autograph on my taint
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
