I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
