Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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