i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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