wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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