And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
